From Death to Life – She Taught me Mercy and Compassion
We called her AB the baby. During my fourth grade music class on March 29, 1982, I received word that my mom had gone to the hospital to have a baby. My baby sister, Amanda, came into this world at 3:50 pm on a Monday afternoon. She was a beautiful baby, and I loved her with all my heart.
In February I had to say goodbye to my beautiful sister because the Lord had called her home on Tuesday, January 29, 2019. I went home for a week to help and support my mom, and it gave me a chance to relive old memories of my sister. It also gave us a chance to say goodbye to her for now, as she went from her death in this world to life in the next.
It took me a while to remember things from our past. When she was born I wanted to be her friend. I always dreamed of having a sister to share secrets with, someone with whom I could share my heart. When our baby brother was born three years later, she moved into my room, and I thought that we would be able to grow closer.
Memories of our Childhood
I started recording a tape of us singing Sunday School songs and just talking together when she was two and I was eleven. I remember cuddling with her during thunderstorms. We would walk to church every Sunday and she would say “Carry me, I’m too fat to walk!” She broke her collarbone while falling out of her crib reaching for her favorite book. The times when my dad would soap up her long hair in the bathtub and make it stand in a pillar straight up on the top of her head. I remember the terrifying fear when I was babysitting and we jumped on my bed. She fell off and took a chunk out of her head. My, how that bled!
However, as we grew older, we grew apart. I went to high school and college, got married right out of college and began to live my own life. My sister still lived at home, but I missed her growing up. When I moved off to college she was only nine years old, and it seemed that we both had grown up in different families. I had no idea how to bridge the gap. She had her life and I had mine, and it seemed that we were just too far apart.
We Grew Apart
We disagreed on a lot of things. She accepted a lot of things that I believed were completely wrong. I did not understand a lot of the reasons that she did what she did or believed. We had several arguments over our differing worldviews. I still disagree with a lot of the things that she believed, but she had several strengths that I wish that I could have seen a lot earlier.
Even though she had a lot of health issues and trouble with anxiety, she had a loving and compassionate heart. She encouraged others to keep going. She loved her nieces and nephews with all of her heart, and in the midst of her heartache she still looked to Jesus to help her. In her death I learned more about mercy and compassion than I have known in a long, long time.
Mercy and Compassion Came Naturally to Her
She did not judge others. She accepted them as they were and encouraged them to look beyond themselves. And even though I did not see it until it was too late, she loved Jesus. With her death, a door opened for her into heaven. She has no more hurt, pain, or anxiety. She has traded her hurts for the joys of heaven. Her body is completely healed, and she has no more worries. Now I can only count the days until I see her again.
In addition to her compassion, she possessed a wonderful talent for writing and for art. She left behind stories, a scrapbook, and some wonderful poetry. For the first time I read a story that she wrote about animals that needed adoption. Her tender heart extended to hurting animals and children. She had an insight that extended to the heart of others. I can’t wait until I can see her again, to wrap my arms around her and be the friend to her that I wanted to be from the moment that she was born.
A lot of people have told me that I cannot waste time in regrets about my sister. But I do regret the wasted time that I did not get to know who she really was. I do regret that it took her death for me to realize how beautiful her heart really was. And that even though I disagreed with her on a lot of things, I could still have learned a lot from her about what mercy and compassion truly mean.
Goodbye my sweet baby sister
Goodbye, my sweet baby sister. I don’t know how much of this earth you can still see. I know that you can see some of it, at least. Right now, even though God has blessed me so much, I can’t wait until I can see you again. I want to spend eternity learning all about you. Only then will we be able to be the friends that I have always wanted to be. I love you so much.
