From Death to Life – another journey to heaven
When I wrote my last post, it was meant to be a standalone post. But since writing it another family member has taken the journey to heaven, so I thought that I would write a follow up.
Before October 20, 1990, I had very little experience with death. I did not have anyone that I knew that had passed away. I consider myself very blessed that I lived so much of my life without experiencing the loss of a loved one. But on October 20, 1990, my grandfather died of a heart attack. He and I were close, and it was very hard for me to lose him. But back then, I was in college and busy with my studies. I knew that my grandmother was struggling without him and I tried to help, but like most college kids, I was wrapped up in my own affairs.
My grandmother died in May of 2016. My grandfather was her soulmate, and she lived a lot of years without him. She could not wait until she could see him again, so I was glad when the Lord called her to take that journey to heaven, because she had a long life, and she would be with my grandfather again. I have been called morbid for seeing things this way, but I know that her joy is beyond words now. There is no way that I would wish her back to this broken earth. Now my desire is to go see her. I pray that the time will be soon.
Heading for heaven
Now, within the past three months, two people closer to me have taken the journey to heaven. Last week I told you about my baby sister, who was called to heaven at the end of January. But on Good Friday, I received a call from my mom that once again tore my heart. My dad had collapsed in the doctor’s office. They brought him to the emergency room, but there was nothing that they could do for him. His aorta had ruptured, and God called him home.
My dad was the firstborn of his family. He was born on April 29, 1947, and I always took pride in the fact that he was a baby boomer. My family’s history is fascinating to me, and he played a big part in it. Some of my favorite family stories come from my dad’s childhood. One when my grandma tossed my dad out into the snow without clothes on. The other one was the time my dad shot one of his younger sisters in the behind with a BB gun, so my grandma took him outside and shot him in the behind with the same BB gun. He loved his sisters tremendously, but like most big brothers, he teased his sisters a lot.
I absolutely loved his bear hugs, and one of my favorite games to play with him was to try and avoid his teeth when I touched the middle of his chin. One of the most memorable moments of my childhood was the time when I was a teenager that I came home and saw a strange man sitting on the couch. After a second look, I realized it was my dad. He had completely shaved his face. I went upstairs and cried. It may seem silly, but from my earliest memories he had always had a beard and mustache. He had never shaved it off before, but one day he just decided to shave. He didn’t look like my dad anymore, and it took me a little while to get used to it, and for awhile I really didn’t like it.
I am a lot like my dad
I think that I developed the same personality that belonged to my dad. We both had the same “glass half empty”, pessimistic personality, and we both had a tendency toward depression. His favorite character was Eeyore, and every time I watch the movie “Christopher Robin” and hear the line that Eeyore says, “Oh sure, sacrifice the donkey,” it makes me think of my dad. People always say that every cloud has a silver lining but he always said that every silver lining has a cloud. Even though his pessimistic personality colored his life, he still lived his life to the fullest, and I know that he had a lot of fun. He loved his four children and his grandchildren immensely, and had a tremendous burden for suffering children around the world.
“Older than dirt”
From the time he was in his early 30’s he always said that he was “older than dirt.” I always used to laugh at that, more so now that I am way past my early thirties myself. Just three weeks ago he said that again and I teased him about it. From the time that I was a teenager one of his greatest desires was to journey to heaven. Back then that scared me, but today I understand. Even though now I still have that desire, he has attained it. He is no longer “older than dirt” but in all ways that matter he is now younger than me.
My dad was a brilliant man
Even though his personality was somewhat pessimistic, he was a brilliant man. In that way he and I were different. He could out think anybody that I knew and use logic to build the reasoning for his arguments and his choices. I never stood a chance in an argument with my dad. But this characteristic of my dad encouraged me in my own learning and the building of my own faith. I never wanted to settle on a belief just because it came from someone I knew and trusted. I needed to figure it out for myself.
Also because of who my dad was, I never allow myself to settle in the current state that I’m in. Because of who he was, I am highly motivated to become just a little bit better today than I was yesterday. Even in the last years of his life when he started to reject some of the beliefs that he had raised me with, it forced me to go back and learn more, to find why I believe what I believe.
I expect him to be here
In a lot of ways, I can’t believe that he’s gone. When I go home, I almost expect my dad to be sitting in his chair, watching his favorite youtube videos. Or to hear his voice when he was laughing. The last time that I saw him I came home for Amanda’s memorial service. Before I left I gave him a big hug and I remember clearly feeling the warmth of his arms and hearing his heart beat in his chest. My desire is to feel his arms around me again, and to hear his strong heartbeat. I want to tell him one more time that I love him. I want to sit and talk with him about everything that he is experiencing in heaven right now. What kind of discussions will we have when we are in heaven together? Now I dream of sitting with him and talking endlessly, finding out more about him, and discussing the Lord together.
Saying Goodbye for Now
The day before he died, he sent me a text telling me that he loved me and my family. Even though my dad had a deep heart, he didn’t express his love as often as I sometimes would have liked. Sometimes we would go for months without talking. But when I received it, it warmed my heart. For a while it brought me closer to my dad, even though we are 900 miles apart. Thinking it was just another conversation, I did not return the sentiment. I should have, because that was the last time I heard from him.
Looking back on it now, I think that it was his way of saying goodbye, even though he didn’t know it. I believe that God orchestrated that text to bring comfort to my heart. I know that I will see my dad again, but now I just have to wait, once again trusting in the Lord’s plan.
13 But I do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning those who have fallen [b]asleep, lest you sorrow as others who have no hope. 14 For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who [c]sleep in Jesus.
15 For this we say to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive and remain until the coming of the Lord will by no means precede those who are [d]asleep. 16 For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of an archangel, and with the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. 17 Then we who are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And thus we shall always be with the Lord. 18 Therefore comfort one another with these words. 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18
They have entered a doorway I cannot enter yet.
I no longer can say that I don’t have a personal relationship with someone who has died. Besides my husband and children, I have lost the person with whom I had the closest relationship. But I haven’t truly lost him, or my sister. They both just have gone through a doorway that I cannot enter yet. When that trumpet sounds I will meet them again. On that day, we will meet in the air with such joy that there is really no way to imagine it. And then, together, we will all look for that first sight of our Lord. There is nothing in this world that I look forward to more than that moment.
12 Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, Hebrews 12:1
I will see you soon, dad. I believe that God allows those who have gone before us to see at least a little bit of what is happening down here. So I believe that you know what I am feeling and the things that I want to convey to you. I love you with my whole heart. I want to thank you for being my dad and for grounding me in the faith of the Lord. Thank you for sacrificing so much to raise me in the best way possible. All that I am I owe to you and mom.
The Takeaway
So what is my takeaway from this post? Tell your loved ones that you love them now, and do it often. We are not promised tomorrow. If they do not know Jesus, then share the Gospel with them today. I have the hope that I will see my dad again. I pray that you have the same hope.
