One of Those Days…

A while back I experienced “one of those” days.  One of those days in which I would love to pull the covers back over my head.  I felt down for absolutely no reason.  My head felt heavy and fogged up, my emotions crashed, and I fought hard to keep my anger in check.  During those days my feelings of apathy, sadness, hopelessness, loneliness, and despair threaten to overwhelm my equilibrium.  On days like this I feel like I am suffocating underneath a thick quilt but I can’t find my way out.  These are the days that I call my “funky days.”  

But the funny thing is, most of the time I can’t find one specific circumstance that I can point to that caused my “funkiness.”  Because of that, there is no place that I can go to “fix it.”  In the middle of all these emotions I can’t remember how to find my balance again.  

In the past, I have tried different methods to pull myself out of my funk.  I have tried reading self help books, talking to friends, listening to music, crocheting, going for a walk, or my favorite, consuming some chocolate!  While these things do help a little bit, I don’t think that they have ever succeeded in pulling me out.  I do know, however, that my funk affects my entire family, even when I try so hard to hide it from them.

A typical “funky” day

On this day I had to substitute for my husband because he took some of his students to an FFA event.  I mostly enjoy subbing for him. Although sometimes only because it makes me remember how blessed I am to stay home with my kids.  This morning I did not have to be at school very early, so the kids and I had a good amount of time to get ready to go.  But even with the extra time, we still struggled to get out of the house with smiles on our faces. 

On days when I am not home, I have the kids work on the independent parts of their schoolwork. This adds some stress to our preparation for leaving.  Super Stuffy handled the stress relatively well, but it caused Bear Bear to have a meltdown.  She expressed frustration about getting ready on time, her panic over the schoolwork that she needs to get done, and her sense of inadequacy to get that work done in a timely fashion.  She expresses her frustration with whining, screeching, and crying.  I honestly don’t know how to handle her emotional ups and downs, or to help guide her through them.

When she was born, I remember thinking that we would both hit our “change of life” at about the same time.  I also remember thinking that it wouldn’t be pleasant for the two boys in the house.  I don’t remember experiencing much emotional upheaval when I went through puberty. I don’t think that I am experiencing much now, but my “funk”  may just be evidence of that upheaval.  

Prayer

But on this particular morning I did something a little bit different. In my forty minute drive, I used that time to have a conversation with the Lord.  Normally on days like these prayer would be my last resort, but today it was first.  I love the fact that I can go to the Lord and complain.  I can tell Him how I’m feeling, what my thoughts are, and He listens.  He does not condemn me or turn away, but He shows compassion and mercy.  This morning He gave me verses that I have memorized to remind me who I am and who He is.  

I want to share with you some of these verses.

Isaiah 42:3 – A bruised reed He will not break, and smoking flax He will not quench. He will bring forth justice for truth.

On days like this I feel like a bruised reed.  This verse promises that He will not dismiss my emotions and feelings.  He treats me tenderly and carefully, with compassion.

Romans 8:28-29 – For I am persuaded that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

My emotions don’t scare Him!

On days like this I feel as if I am by myself, that no one understands.  I even at times feel like I have a great big sign on my head saying “Caution-Beware of Extra Volatility”.  But He knows me inside and out, and my emotional upheaval doesn’t scare Him.  He will not run away from me.

Romans 5:3-5 – but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not disappoint because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

This verse reminds me that my tribulations are not an aberration. God uses them to create perseverance, character and hope within me.  I know that some people would not consider my emotional roller coaster a tribulation. I do, however, because it interferes with my ability to follow Him.

Romans 5:8 – But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

I don’t have to make myself (or my heart) look pretty in order to come to Him.  He saw my rotten, sinful state, and died for me while I was still there.  I cannot do anything that negates His love for me.

2 Corinthians 12:9 – And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness.”  Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

The Leaking Clay Pot

On days like this, He reminds me of the story of the leaking clay pot.  It was the job of a servant girl to water the master’s garden.  She used a leaky clay pot and walked the path to the well each day.  On the way back, most of the water leaked out of the pot.  The pot was ashamed and felt insufficient and apologized to the servant girl for its imperfection.  The servant girl told the pot to notice the colorful flowers that grew on his side of the path.  She told him, “I have carried you specifically for this purpose.  You have watered these beautiful flowers that I can use to bring beauty to my master’s house. Without your leaks, I would not have been able to perform this service.”  

I am definitely a cracked pot.  But He uses me in my flaws and failures to bring forth beauty in the lives of the people around me.  And when it comes down to it, it truly is all about Him, and not me.

Psalm 34:17 – The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears. And delivers them out of all their troubles.

He always hears me!

He hears me!  That fact simply amazes me.  The God who created the universe, who still holds it in His hand, hears my cry.  Sometimes it does not even seem possible, but this verse tells me it’s true.

Philippians 4:11-13 – Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Whatever state I am in.  Paul lists physical characteristics, but I believe that it also applies to mental and emotional states.  I do not need to find a “quick fix.”  What I need to do is lean into God even more.  I like to picture myself as a little girl, crawling into my daddy’s lap.  He’s got this.

Isaiah 41:10 – Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’

He gives me His strength

He will strengthen me.  He will give me what I need and the strength to do what He has commanded me to do.  This is a promise!

 Revelation 3: 7-13 – “And to the angel of the church in Philadelphia write,

‘These things says He who is holy, He who is true, “He who has the key of David, He who opens and no one shuts, and shuts and no one opens”: I know your works. See, I have set before you an open door, and no one can shut it; for you have a little strength, have kept My word, and have not denied My name. Indeed I will make those of the synagogue of Satan, who say they are Jews and are not, but lie—indeed I will make them come and worship before your feet, and to know that I have loved you. Because you have kept My command to persevere, I also will keep you from the hour of trial which shall come upon the whole world, to test those who dwell on the earth. 

Behold, I am coming quickly! Hold fast what you have, that no one may take your crown. He who overcomes, I will make him a pillar in the temple of My God, and he shall go out no more. I will write on him the name of My God and the name of the city of My God, the New Jerusalem, which comes down out of heaven from My God. And I will write on him My new name.

“He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches.” ’

The hope of eternity with Him

Ultimately, the hope of eternity is the biggest thing that gets me through days like today.  And until He takes me home, He has given me an open door to do what He has commanded me to do.  And I definitely have a “little” strength.  I pray daily that He will give me the strength to keep His Word and not deny Him.

There are so many Bible verses that speak to me and help me through these “funky” days.  If just one of these verses is able to help you and remind you that He is holding you up and giving you strength, then this post has done its work.  We all have our own funky days, but God uses even these days to grow us and work through us.