The Strength of Grief part 2
(Read my first post, here)
I still don’t have a complete understanding of the strength of grief
However, I have not arrived at any form of full understanding yet. Even though the knowledge of how the strength of grief can help me became a part of who I am, when I am again confronted with grief everything I know seems to disappear. I recently experienced this throughout the last 10 months.
I have never in my life experienced a year like this one has turned out to be. Normally at the beginning of each new year I am excited by the prospects of what God will have in store for me. This year was no different, but at the end of January events started to go a little haywire.
On our way back home from a hockey tournament, the engine blew out in my car. Providentially we were only a mile away from home after driving for 5 hours. We decided to replace the engine since it was cheaper than buying a whole new car. The next week, I was sick for three days, which turned into a nasty sinus infection that lasted for three months. I struggled with unending nausea, ending up with an emergency room visit with vertigo.
During the first week of February, my mom called and told me that my sister, Amanda, had gone to heaven.
Two and a half months later, I received another phone call from my mom telling me that my dad had also gone to heaven. In the middle of all this, we lost our furnace due to flooding in our basement. Our refrigerator kicked the bucket, we had to move a three stall garage all by ourselves, our dryer is on borrowed time, we had to have a lot of electrical work done in our house, and my husband lost a good portion of his income.
Is there anything else that could go wrong?
It is very easy for me to say “What else can go wrong?” The temptation to complain, argue, whine, and get discouraged is very strong. I tend to go toward my instincts and find my own way out of the problems, to try to find my own way through the grief. Prayer becomes my last resort, when it should be my first option. But trying to fix it by myself only creates a tremendous amount of stress and that non-ending rock in the pit of my stomach that I just can’t get rid of.
Now, after several months to process my grief, I once again see how God walks with me through the process. I once again have found that in my grief, (as well as any other thing) I need to lay down my will and surrender to His. The degree to which I surrender everything in my life to His will is the degree in which I can rest in Him. Even in my grief, if I hold on to my will with my hands tightly closed then I am not open to receive His grace.
His grace allows me to praise Him, even in the midst of my grief
Because of that, I can praise Him even in my grief. He will never give me any trouble or trial without walking through it with me. In Psalm 58 David describes God keeping my tears in a bottle. He remembers every one. This promise gives me great hope. It tells me that I am precious to Him. This promise means that He will give me rest from my heartache. If I accept my grief and trust Him to carry me through it, then it will turn out for my good.
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, who are the called according to His purpose.
I still grieve. Triggers often occur that cause tears to come to my eyes. I miss my dad and my sister. But I don’t grieve without hope. I WILL see them again. And there is absolutely no way that I would want to pull them from the joy of heaven back to this sin sick world. They are without pain, without sorrow, and experiencing joy that is beyond my imagination. Praise to the Lord for making a way for all those who believe in Him to spent eternity with Him and our family! He is so Good!
Trust in Him! HE will NEVER leave you! He is walking right by your side.
